dis/jointed

originally written 5.21.04

i just want to fly away
from here. i thought this today,
actually, several days, every
day--maybe you could fly to me.
i'd like to fly you to
me--my thoughts may be disjointed but i do
know what i am saying, and i
know what i want, and i want to fly.
well, forget that flying part since
what i really want is you, and to convince
myself that this is not
a dream, that it's something i've got
to believe in, that the faith won't
be lost by me--"i don't
think this is going to be real"
is not something i want to feel
or speak, because i feel so
strongly, so crazily, although
i've never felt you in my arms or
hands, but i feel you in my heart--i'm floored
by this fate that brings
us together, that makes me sing
to the sky, to the clouds above
my head--this is a different kind of love.

home

originally written 05.14.04

Goddamnit, Lord help me
this is my home.
i'm gonna leave
eventually, but
i'm not ready
right now.
i love it.
i hate it.

i love it.
friends flock from far
and we make
our own nightlives
even if the scene does
not facilitate one.
the ones i love close
are my therapy
for the dying process
called life.
the shore seems
to wash away
my troubles
and make me whole again.
these long drives
on crowded stretches
of california highways
give me time to think
and compose a soundtrack
for every event.

i hate it.
nothing is perfect.
in this case
i hate everything.

nothing and no one
will tear me
from my home.
this is a place
where i will stray
when i am ready,
not prematurely.

pieces

originally written 05.10.04

i like the way
my life falls
piece by piece
into my lap.
most days
i just want
to drive away
to the coast
and throw
the pieces of my life
into the ocean
to wash them off
and make me pure.
i'd let the breeze
dry each piece off
before i bury it
into the sand.
maybe i'd bury
some pieces in
the forest green,
and hide other parts
in art museums,
some i'd just throw
into the air
or back into the ocean.
one thing i know
for sure is that
the orange sun
would only burn
these pieces away.