home

originally written 05.14.04

Goddamnit, Lord help me
this is my home.
i'm gonna leave
eventually, but
i'm not ready
right now.
i love it.
i hate it.

i love it.
friends flock from far
and we make
our own nightlives
even if the scene does
not facilitate one.
the ones i love close
are my therapy
for the dying process
called life.
the shore seems
to wash away
my troubles
and make me whole again.
these long drives
on crowded stretches
of california highways
give me time to think
and compose a soundtrack
for every event.

i hate it.
nothing is perfect.
in this case
i hate everything.

nothing and no one
will tear me
from my home.
this is a place
where i will stray
when i am ready,
not prematurely.