bleach bath
originally written 04.04.03
(note: please pardon the cheesy rhyme scheme)

it seemed like a good idea
to bathe myself in a sea of bleach
and to be deaf to the lessons
i never wanted others to teach.
in some way by gaining control
of an identity that didn't exist
i lost control at the same time,
everyone think's i'm pissed.
should i try to connect to
a culture from which i feel disconnected?
they're not me and i'm not them,
i don't think that anyone is being disrepected.
while everyone else bakes on the beach
working on that dark bronze tan,
i'm busy rinsing mine away...
steadily wondering who i am.
always a misfit, a star-shaped peg
on a board full of circle shaped holes.
can't fall into any real gap,
now this world feels so damn cold.
i'm not dark enough, i'm not light enough,
what the hell is my native language?
and why the fuck is everyone staring at me
with these cockeyed looks like i'm so strange?
always the outlier, defining the range...
an extreme, and exception to the rule.
i never thought i'd have to be a pedigree,
not a fucking mutt, to be considered cool.